


Five Times Danny and Vlad Had to Strip and Bathe Publicly (And One Time They Did It In Private)

by thevillainofthisstory



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Danny is 18, Humor, M/M, Not Phantom Planet Compliant (Danny Phantom), five plus one trope, rated for later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:35:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevillainofthisstory/pseuds/thevillainofthisstory
Summary: A series of increasingly bizarre events force Danny and Vlad to strip down to their boxers and bathe together in front of an audience on five separate occasions. The sixth time it happens, there is no audience and it's just for them.
Relationships: Danny Fenton/Vlad Masters
Comments: 55
Kudos: 105
Collections: Pompous Pep Discord - Prompts Events





	1. There Was Only One Can of Tomato Juice

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to (kinda) fill a Valentine's prompt on Discord. We were given a bunch of words to use as prompts, and I decided instead to try and incorporate every word on the list into a single fic. The list of words is: first kiss, love, friendship, chocolate, heart, gift, rose, sunset, sunrise, song, poem, love letter
> 
> Danny is 18 and a senior in high school, this is not Phantom Planet/S3 compliant, nor is it beta'd

“Why are ghost skunks even a thing?” Danny demanded as he staggered blindly through the portal into his parent’s lab. Given the lack of shouting or guns being fired, he assumed the lab was unoccupied. That was probably the first lucky thing to happen to him all day. Rubbing at his watery, burning eyes, Danny continued, “This is all your fault. I don’t care how stupid or unlikely that sounds, I am blaming-”

“We can assign blame later,” Vlad coughed from somewhere behind Danny, “We need to neutralize this chemical before it starts eating through our flesh.”

Danny groaned. Great, that was just what would make this _fantastic_ day even **_better_**. Flesh melting ghost skunks. Didn’t Danny have enough problems? Did he really need more insanity in his life? Finishing his senior year of high school with good enough grades to get into college was hard enough without his archnemesis and undead rodents trying to-

“Now, Daniel!” Vlad barked, then started hacking as he inhaled a lungful of the third worst stench Danny had ever come into contact with. “We need the lab shower and tomato juice.”

“Tomato juice? I thought that was fake, like an old wives tale or something,” Danny asked as he groped blindly for Vlad. A gloveless hand wrapped around his own. When had Vlad dropped his transformation? “Wait a minute, why am I even helping you?” he demanded as he continued to drag Vlad in the general direction of the emergency lab shower.

“Because your deep-seated need to assist people in trouble overrides your common sense. Not that you have much of that to being with,” Vlad mocked, then continued before Danny could voice an objection, “Tomato juice is the commonly prescribed remedy.”

“Yeah, but will it work? And even if it worked on a regular skunk, this was a ghost skunk.”

“As I have never been sprayed by a skunk before, mammalian or spectral, I don’t know!” Vlad half shouted. “We don’t have time for this, my skin is starting to burn. I assume Jack still drinks V8 juice with celery sticks and crackers and calls is gazpacho?”

“Yeah, every Tuesday,” Danny said distractedly. Cracking his eyes open to a bare sliver, just enough to navigate through the ceiling and into the kitchen, Danny made his way to the pantry. On the second shelf was a single can of tomato juice. Danny groaned. That wasn’t anywhere near enough for two people. A frantic search through the rest of the cabinets and fridge didn’t yield any better results. No tomato soup, no canned tomatoes, no marinara sauce, they didn’t even have any ketchup!

Danny groaned again, then hissed. The skin of his face and neck was starting to burn. The longer he waited to transform back, the more pain he was probably going to be in. Grabbing the single can of tomato juice, Danny steeled himself for Vlad’s reaction before diving back through the floor.

“There’s only one can,” he declared in what sounded like depressed resignation to his own ears.

“Of course there is,” Vlad muttered, apparently in too much discomfort to put up the fight Danny was expecting.

“Can you see?” Danny asked, holding out the can to the blurry black and silver shape that was Vlad. “It’s in my eyes, I can’t—”

The can was yanked out of his hand. “Get over here before you go blind,” Vlad snarled, “Why didn’t you say—”

“Did you think I had my eyes closed for fun?” Danny interrupted as the white rings passed over him. The pain immediately intensified as more of his flesh became corporeal. Danny gasped, then coughed as more of the vapor went into his lungs. His throat was sore and his lungs were having trouble expanding all the way. “Just shut up and turn on the shower so we can get this over with.”

Vlad guided Danny closer to the shower head and turned it on. They both hissed as freezing cold water poured over them. Danny tilted his face up to the spray and opened his eyes slightly. The water stung, but it was better than the burning sensation that the chemical had caused. It took a few minutes, but Danny was finally able to keep his eyes open long enough to assess his condition.

Red, splotchy patches covered his arms. His skin felt hot and tight, even under the cold water. Glancing up, Danny noticed that Vlad’s condition wasn’t any better. The older man’s skin was covered in the same red chemical burns. For a moment, Danny thought Vlad was glaring at him with the scary eyes before he realized that his eyes were just that red from the skunk spray.

“How do we want to do this?” Danny asked, eyeing the can in Vlad’s hand.

Vlad also looked down at the can. It was an awfully small amount for two men to bathe in. It probably wasn’t even enough for one of them, if Danny was being honest.

With a sigh that sounded like it came from the very depths of his being, Vlad placed the can on the tiled floor of the shower. “Strip,” he ordered as he rapidly shucked his coat and began unbuttoning his shirt. Danny opened his mouth, but before he could decide what ill conceived quip was going to come out of it, Vlad interrupted, “Do shut up, Daniel. Our clothes are a lost cause, all they’re going to do is hold the chemical to our skin and absorb more juice than we can afford to waste.”

Danny snapped his mouth shut so hard his teeth clacked together. Unfortunately, Vlad had a point. Keeping his mind carefully blank, Danny pulled his t-shirt over his head. The less he thought about his situation, the more of his sanity that would be intact once it was all over. Staring at the far wall of the lab, Danny struggled to unbutton and kick off his soaking wet jeans. He almost fell over twice, but eventually the joined the pile of discarded clothes in the corner of the shower.

The sound of the can of tomato juice being cracked open drew Danny’s attention back to Vlad. Vlad, who was standing under the still cold spray in nothing but a pair of red boxers. Danny swallowed hard. This wasn’t a side of Vlad that Danny needed to see, but he’d be damned if it wasn’t already burned into his brain. A single, specific drop of water caught Danny’s attention as it slid down the scarred and burned skin of Vlad’s chest, through chest hair that was only dark because it was saturated, before being absorbed into the fabric of his boxers. Danny cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes, hoping he hadn’t been caught staring and hoping even more that it could be played off as a reaction to the chemical that was still irritating his eyes, skin, and lungs.

“The tomato juice should neutralize the chemical,” Vlad began. Danny physically sagged with relief; he hadn’t been caught staring. “Unfortunately, with our limited supply, we need to be more judicious than I would prefer considering my skin feels like it’s melting off. That being said, seeing as it has had prolonged contact with you eyes, our best course would be to—”

“No, you go first,” Danny insisted, stepping closer and trying to grab the can out of Vlad’s hand. “My eyes are fine, the water got most of it out.”

“Your eyes are glowing red, Daniel, for a moment I had thought…” Vlad trailed off. Danny was curious about the end of that statement, but Vlad didn’t seem interested in finishing his thought. “Your vision is at stake, I must insist—”

“And you look like the love child of Freddy Kreuger and Nightmerica,” Danny interrupted, lunging for the can again and failing as Vlad pulled it once more out of reach.

“I am attempting to be magnanimous for once, you should take advantage of it.”

“And I’m letting my deep-seated need to assist people in trouble override my common sense again, **you’re** the one who should be taking advantage of **me**.” It took a second for Danny to realize how that sounded given their current wet-and-boxer-clad situation, but hopefully Vlad would mistake the raging blush Danny could feel spreading across his face as just more chemical burns.

“Fine,” Vlad capitulated with a glare. “We’re wasting time.”

Danny took the can from Vlad and hovered just enough so he was about a head taller than the older halfa. “Here it comes,” Danny warned before pouring as close to one half of the can over Vlad’s hair and shoulders. Dropping down and placing the can on the floor out of the way, Danny began rubbing the juice into Vlad’s back. Vlad stilled, clearly unexpecting the helping hand, before nodding and continuing to rub the red liquid into his hair.

Danny worked diligently but quickly. The last thing he wanted was for Vlad to accuse him of lingering. He shouldn’t be enjoying the feeling of warm, wet skin yielding beneath his fingers, Danny told himself with an edge of desperation. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong person; it was a recipe for disaster, and Danny was a master chef when it came to those.

To distract himself, Danny asked, “Can I ask you a personal question without being thrown through a wall?”

Vlad paused for a moment before continuing to rub the tomato juice into his chest and arms. Danny knelt down to begin applying the liquid to Vlad’s legs so he didn’t have to feel the strong muscles shifting beneath Vlad’s skin. “Tread carefully,” Vlad warned, which was as close to an open invitation as Danny was going to get.

“Your hair,” Danny began slowly, pretending to concentrate on spreading the tomato juice, “I’ve seen pictures of you and my parents in college and your hair was already grey then. How old were you when…?”

For a moment, Danny didn’t think Vlad was going to answer. The silence went on just a beat too long to be comfortable. Just when Danny was about to retract his question, ask Vlad to pretend he never asked, Vlad answered. “I was in high school, maybe sixteen years old? Younger than you are now. It was a combination of things: genetics, anxiety, vitamin deficiency…”

That was a more comprehensive answer than Danny had expected, but it still created more questions than it answered. Danny wanted to ask if Vlad had been bullied because of it, what he meant by anxiety, and why he would have had a vitamin deficiency, but he sensed that sharing time was over. Instead, Danny rose and stepped into Vlad’s line of sight. He was looking better already, his skin and eyes were fading to pink instead of blood red.

“White hair in high school isn’t the worst thing that could happen,” Danny joked. Focusing on his power for just a moment, Danny looked Vlad in the eyes as he made his hair slowly fade from black to white and back to black again.

Instead of the humorous response Danny had been hoping for, Vlad responded gravely, “I am well aware, little badger.” That was not the reaction Danny had wanted at all! He wasn’t trying to compare his situation to Vlad’s or imply that Vlad’s problems were somehow less valid than his own. Danny didn’t really know what he was trying to do, or why he had brought it up in the first place. Why did it always seem like every time he opened his mouth, his foot decided to acquaint itself with his tonsils?

“ANYWAY,” Danny said loudly, moving away from the awkwardness he had inadvertently created, “Is it working? Do you still feel like your skin is melting off?”

“The pain has faded to a dull itch,” Vlad said as he examined the patches on his arms. “Which is more than tolerable.”

“Good. I’d hate to smell like dad’s Tuesday Gazpacho for nothing,” Danny joked. Vlad rolled his eyes. “My turn. We’re not actually going to pour that in my eyes, right?”

“Tempting, but no. The water seems to have rinsed the worst of it out, your eyes no longer resemble, well, mine. Stand still,” Vlad ordered as he grabbed the half empty can of tomato juice off the floor and dumped it unceremoniously over Danny’s head and shoulders.

Danny sputtered a bit as some of the watered-down juice went in his mouth. “Thanks,” he drawled sarcastically. Vlad smirked at him before turning Danny around to rub the liquid into his back as Danny had done to him earlier.

If Danny had thought touching Vlad was awful for his poor teenage libido, it was nothing compared to having Vlad’s strong hands rubbing his back. The steady, purposeful movement up and down his back was too much for one touch-starved teen to handle. Danny just knew he was going to have all kinds of weird, inappropriate dreams once this was over. He was never going to be able to look at a can of tomato juice the same way ever again. Danny began vigorously rubbing the tomato juice into his scalp in an effort to distract himself.

“Who taught you to scrub your hair?” Vlad admonished, turning Danny back around once he was satisfied with the treatment of Danny’s back. “Little badger is a just nickname, you’re not actually a wild animal.”

Danny scowled. He didn’t usually take his teenage angst out on his hair, but that wasn’t something he could explain to Vlad while they were mostly naked in a lab shower rubbing tomato juice into each other’s skin. There had to be boundaries somewhere or Danny was going to lose it.

When Vlad shuffled a bit closer and began firmly massaging Danny’s head, working the tomato juice into his scalp, Danny decided that yeah, he was definitely going to lose it. His eyes drifted shut without his permission and he pressed up just a bit into Vlad’s capable hands. It wouldn’t hurt to enjoy the contact for just a little bit, right?

Vlad chuckled, drew breath to say something that would undoubtedly make Daniel want to cringe in shame, when—

“What the hell do you think you’re doing to my son!” Maddie shouted. Danny yelped and jerked back in surprise, slipping on the wet tile and falling flat on his ass. Vlad had been startled as well and currently had his back pressed against the shower wall, hands up and palms out in the universal gesture of de-escalation. Maddie, however, did not seem interested in de-escalation as she had her favorite gun pointed directly at Vlad. Jack was right behind her on the stairs, Fenton stun-o-matic in hand, vacillating between Danny and Vlad.

Words came pouring out of Danny and Vlad at the same time:

“We were in the park when-”

“You know how you asked us to take that package to the-”

“A brief argument occurred, you know how Daniel and I-”

“And while we were distracted there was a skunk but it was a ghost skunk-”

“The stench was awful, then we realized it was causing chemical burns-”

“But there was only one can of tomato juice so we had to share-”

“Enough!” Maddie finally interrupted, lowering her gun slightly but not entirely. Danny and Vlad shut up immediately, which would have been quite an accomplishment on Maddie’s part if she had been in the correct headspace to appreciate it. Pinching the bridge of her nose with the hand not currently holding a weapon, she continued, “Let me see if I understand. You got sprayed by a ghost skunk, it started burning, and you decided to take a shower together in the lab because there was only one can of tomato juice?”

“Yes!”

“Precisely.”

Maddie sighed and finally lowered her gun completely, which had the added benefit of also lowering Danny’s heart rate back into its normal range. “And you didn’t think to-”

“It was in my eyes,” Danny blurted out before his mom could try to impose logic on the situation. “I couldn’t see. Vlad was helping me.”

“Well, I suppose you made the best of the situation,” Maddie sighed as she continued down the stairs into the lab proper. “But tomato juice? Really? That’s just an old wives tale. Stay where you are, we’ll whip you up something for the smell. Next time, use peroxide, baking soda, and a little dish soap.”

“I sincerely hope there won’t be a next time,” Vlad muttered which made Danny let out a short, strangled laugh. Scrambling to his feet, Danny turned off the water to the shower. There was no reason to keep it running and he was starting to get a chill.

While Maddie mixed up a better stink removing formula, Jack wandered over to talk to Vlad and Danny. “I can’t believe you wasted my last can of tomato juice,” he said mournfully.

“It went to a good cause though,” Danny pointed out, gesturing to the chemical burns covering both his and Vlad’s skin. “You should have seen us before.”

“We’re lucky you’re a creature of habit,” Vlad agreed, much to Danny’s surprise. “Gazpacho a la Jack, every Tuesday at 3:47pm like clockwork. All these years later and you still don’t know what gazpacho actually is.”

Jack sniffed as his eyes began to well up emotionally. Danny assumed it was caused by emotion, but it could have been the smell that still permeated the lab. “Aww Vladdy, you remembered! I’d hug you, but you boys reek. I can’t believe you actually got sprayed by a skunk,” Jack chuckled. Danny grinned and looked over at Vlad, who was scowling. Danny elbowed him lightly in the ribs. He didn’t like being laughed at either, but the situation was so absurd there really wasn’t anything left to do but laugh.

Jack was full blown belly laughing. Danny was braced against the wall next to Vlad for support because he was laughing so hard. Eventually even Vlad was laughing, looking slightly incredulous like he had no idea how they had gotten to this point.

“Oh, you boys,” Maddie said fondly as she walked over with a jug of cloudy liquid. “Jack, take this and pour it over these two stinkers. I’m going upstairs to grab some towels and spare clothes. Vlad, you’re going to have to wear some of Danny’s clothes since you’re the closest in size. I know hoodies and sweatpants aren’t exactly your preferred style…”

Whatever Vlad was going to say in response was drowned out by Jack dumping the mixture over the two of them without any warning. They scrubbed independently this time, much to Danny’s relief. It had been bad enough when it was just the two of them, but with an audience? An audience who happened to be his dad? Absolutely not. Besides, the tomato juice had been just effective enough that they really didn’t need to help each other anymore.

Maddie came back downstairs just as they finished rinsing off her concoction. The smell still lingered, but Danny was pretty sure it was because of the soggy pile of clothes in the corner and not because it was still on their skin. After toweling off and ringing out their boxers as best they could, Danny and Vlad slipped on the clothes that Maddie had brought them.

Danny couldn’t ever remember seeing Vlad in anything less than his customary black suit. Vlad in Danny’s black Casper High hoodie and worn grey sweatpants was yet another image that was going to be burned into Danny’s brain for all eternity. Why was the idea of Vlad wearing his clothes just as appealing as Vlad not wearing any clothes? Teenage brains were terrible, messy places, Danny decided. Jazz would probably have a more scientific answer, but it wasn’t like he was ever going to ask her. That would involve explaining a bunch of things that Danny was too mortified to voice.

“Well, not that this hasn’t been an interesting way to spend the afternoon, but I have other tasks this evening which require my attention,” Vlad declared airily. Danny scowled. Vlad was probably going to go right back into the Ghost Zone and continue doing whatever it was that Danny had foiled earlier. They had been interrupted by a horde of mutated ghost animals before Danny could figure out what Vlad was doing with his parents’ package. “See you soon, little badger.”

“Stay out of trouble, fruitloop,” Danny warned, which only made Vlad smirk.

“Now where’s the fun in that?”

While Jack escorted Vlad to the door, rambling a mile a minute about gazpacho, Danny collapsed into one of the lab chairs. His skin was still covered in red, itchy blotches with the added texture of a prune from being in the water for so long. His eyes hurt, his head hurt, he was emotionally drained…it had been a rough day.

“I owe you an apology,” Maddie said, forcing Danny to sit upright and stare at her with wide eyes. His mom was giving him a warm, almost teasing look that he didn’t know how to interpret. She had been ready to skin him less than an hour ago. “I probably owe Vlad one too, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I apologize to that deranged piece of—ahem, anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes! I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions when you and Vlad were, you know.”

Danny did know, since he was there and all. Why did his mom have to bring this up? Danny wanted to disappear, but he couldn’t, and if he focused on that emotion for too long he’d turn invisible and have an entirely different set of problems on his hands.

“You and Vlad haven’t been on the best of terms pretty much from day one. And that’s okay! He’s not always been the best man, and he’s done a lot of things that I’m not going to mention because I’m not about to ruin my mood by thinking about them. My point is, I’m proud of you for being able to forgive Vlad and move past those things. Heaven knows I can’t!” Maddie laughed. Danny didn’t have the heart to correct her, so he stayed quiet. “You’re technically an adult now Danny, even if you haven’t graduated yet. I need to start trusting your judgement more. You and Vlad’s friendship has come so far over the past four years. I’m your mother, so I’m always going to be protective of my little boy. But if you and your father trust Vlad, I need to start respecting that decision.”

“Thanks mom,” Danny croaked hollowly. It wasn’t worth it to correct her or explain the truth, so instead Danny stood up and gave his mom a hug, trying to ignore the guilt that shot through him when she gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. “I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s been a long day.”

Trudging up the stairs, Danny actually felt grateful that his limbs felt like lead. As tired as he was, hopefully he would pass out into a nice, dreamless sleep and not be plagued by thoughts of red boxers and wet grey hair.


	2. Burn Baby Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last Fenton family cook out of the season, and Jack has a brand new grill that he's modified to be better than ever. What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goal is to have this completed and posted by Valentine's Day even though it's not technically a Valentine fic. Wish me luck!

“Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you: the Fenton GrillMaster 4.6!” Jack declared. With a grand flourish, he whipped off the bedsheet he had been using to hide his latest creation revealing a shiny chrome grill with acid green knobs, buttons, and hoses. Why were his parents so obsessed with that color scheme? “It has all the firepower of the 3.7 without any of the malware issues of the 4.2! Isn’t she gorgeous?”

“Malware?” Sam asked, looking to Tucker and Danny to make sure she had heard correctly, “Why would a grill have software to begin with? And who would be trying to gain unauthorized access to it?”

“Don’t listen to Sam, Mr F! She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!” Tucker shouted, lunging forward to wrap his arms around the grill like it was a child, even going so far as to give it a kiss on the lid. Danny, Sam, and Vlad grimaced, and then glared at each other when they realized they had all had the same reaction in tandem but for wildly different reasons. Danny didn’t need Tucker encouraging his dad’s weird penchant for “improving” appliances. Sam was unhappy that her cauliflower steaks were going to be grilled on the same rack as everyone else’s meat steaks. And Vlad was disgruntled at being forced to attend the last Fenton barbecue of the summer. Danny wasn’t sympathetic towards either of them; cauliflower didn’t even need to be cooked, and Vlad could have avoided this if he had just showed up to one of the other cookouts earlier in the summer.

“Watch the chrome finish there kiddo,” Jack laughed as he tried to pull Tucker off the grill. When Tucker wouldn’t budge, he switched tactics. “How about you go get the steaks from the fridge while I fire this baby up? They’re marinating in the tupperware with the blue lid.” Tucker released his creepy death grip on the fridge at the first mention of meat like the true carnivore he was. As he went to dash into the house, Jack caught him by the shoulder. “Listen to me, Tucker. It’s in the container with the blue lid. Blue. Lid. Do not grab the container with the red lid. Do you understand? Which container are you grabbing?”

“Blue lid, marinating steaks, I got this,” Tucker promised, snapping a salute before running inside.

“Five bucks says he manages to screw this up somehow,” Sam said, pulling out her wallet.

“Bet,” Danny agreed, pulling a crumpled five-dollar bill from his pocket. “I say he’s going to grab the wrong container but trip coming back outside and end up covered in whatever experimental horror show my parents think is appropriate to keep in the same place as the food we eat.”

“Complicated, I like it. Maybe too complicated though. I think he’s going to grab the wrong container and bring it out here. When your dad points it out in his trademark disappointed dad voice, Tucker will insist it’s the right one and we’ll finally have conformation that he’s colorblind,” Sam declared, plucking the five-dollar bill out of Danny’s hand.

“You’re both wrong,” Vlad announced quietly, staring at the house. He was using his powers, obviously, but Danny had no idea what he was doing. “And you’re also terrible friends. He’s dropped both containers and is currently trying to scrape the steaks and the tainted ectoplasm back into their appropriate vessels.”

“That’s cheating,” Danny grumbled, yanking his money back from Sam. Every time Danny thought he was making good progress with his powers, Vlad pulled something else from his sleeve. How had Vlad known? Could he see through the wall? Super hearing? Something else? Only time would tell. Danny was a little tired of feeling like he was never making progress with his powers.

“And super gross,” Sam added, looking a little green. “What would tainted ectoplasm even do to you if you ate it?”

“Minor indigestion for those of us with more spectral physiology,” Vlad said tactfully, eyeing Jack as he continued to fuss with the grill settings while singing off key to a song that he only knew half the words to. “But to a human, a human who likely won’t notice any difference as long as Tucker returns with the correctly colored lid…”

“And why are you telling us this?” Sam demanded, glaring at Vlad. Vlad ignored her, or was at least pretending to ignore her, as he picked at the label of his beer bottle out of apparent boredom. “It’s not like you to be helpful.”

“Perhaps I’ve achieved some personal growth and don’t wish to see my old college friends die a painful death due to an accident that could have been prevented,” Vlad answered, talking to Sam but looking up from his beer to look Danny in the eyes. That was—wow. They never talked about their accidents, even in passing like this. It was secret and unspoken, almost taboo, to talk about it with each other. Sure, Sam and Tucker talked about Danny’s accident sometimes from their perspective because they had been with him when it happened. But somehow, with Vlad, it was more personal. “Or maybe it’s because I want to watch Daniel ruin his father’s cookout in order to save his life and receive no gratitude, only blame and disappointment. Either one, you choose.”

Maybe Danny was reading too much into the “not talking about the accident” thing and Vlad really was just a huge asshole. Yeah, that was probably it.

The sound of the car pulling into the driveway meant that Maddie was back from the grocery store. “Sam, go distract my mom,” Danny ordered, thinking quickly. With a nod, Sam jogged off to the front of the house to intercept Maddie. Sam was clever, she’d think of something. That left two problems: Tucker and Jack.

“Can you—” Danny began, but Vlad raised a single eyebrow which shut Danny up entirely. “Never mind, I’ll do it myself.”

“I believe I have been more than helpful enough already.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” Danny snapped sarcastically. He had two options: intercept Tucker who would be coming out the backdoor any minute or disrupt his dad and the grill.

“Danny-boy, come give your old man a hand!” Jack called, making Danny’s decision for him. Jack had knelt down to check on some of the wires and hoses underneath the back of the grill. As Danny approached, he explained, “Something’s not quite right with the 4.6, the heat output is all wrong.”

The closer Danny got to the grill, the more heat he could feel rolling off it. The handle on the lid and several of the rivets were starting to glow red hot. That probably wasn’t good. “Dad, is it supposed to be doing that?” he asked, pointing at the super-heated metal.

“Nope, weren’t you listening? I just said that there’s something wrong with the heating element. Go down to the lab and grab my toolbox, would you? Vladdy, mind giving me a second opinion over here?” Jack called, seemingly oblivious to just how hot the grill was getting. Danny looked imploringly at Vlad, who rolled his eyes before coming to stand next to Jack.

Danny turned to go into the house to fetch his dad’s toolbox. Tucker came bursting out the backdoor, holding a messy blue tupperware container in both hands. The contents looked grotesque and slightly glowing even from across the yard. “Tuck, wait!” Danny called.

“I told you I had everything under control,” Tucker declared, which made Danny want to strangle him. Despite supposedly having everything under control, Tucker kept the container as far away from himself as possible and was only holding it by the very edge of the lid.

“Tucker, give me the container,” Danny whispered frantically as he intercepted his friend. “I know what happened, just give me the meat.”

“What?” Tucker laughed nervously, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is just marinated steaks, there’s no contamination here, what are you talking about?”

“Real smooth, Tucker,” Danny said, tugging on the container, but Tucker wouldn’t let it go. “Dude, you can’t honestly expect us to eat that?”

“If I had any idea what you’re talking about,” Tucker said, trying to tug the container out of Danny’s grip, “Which I don’t, I would say that it’s a crime to let such good meat go to waste. Also, how is this different than any other time we’ve accidentally eaten the questionable stuff your parents leave in the fridge?”

The tug of war game was useless and just for show. They both knew that if Danny wanted the container, he was going to get it. Letting just a little of his power bleed through, Danny gave one final pull. The container flew out of Tucker’s hands. Danny had a brief moment to enjoy his victory before he realized he had over balanced. The container continued with its momentum as Danny fell to the ground.

The lid came off as the container sailed through the air, heading right for—

“Vlad!” Danny yelled. It was the only thing he had time to say. The older man’s head snapped up, instantly alert. His eyes widened when he saw the unholy combination of meat, sludge, and plastic that was about to splash the super-heated metal of the faulty grill.

There eyes met briefly before everything was engulfed in flames.

Danny rolled and grabbed the closest part of Tucker he could reach, turning his friend intangible. He expected the fire to subside after the initial wave, but instead it kept burning. Another fine example of his dad’s expert craftsmanship. Hopefully, Vlad’s reflexes were enough to keep his dad alive so he could tell him as much once they were safe.

Keeping a hand on Tucker while struggling to his feet wasn’t easy, but Danny managed. Tucker slapped his arm frantically. Danny might not need to breathe while intangible, but Tucker still did. Transforming wasn’t an option, so Danny did his best to drag his best friend out of the fire and towards the front of the house. “Call 911!” he ordered before heading back into the massive fireball formerly known as his back yard. His dad and Vlad were still back there, they hadn’t made it around to the front of the house yet.

What was in the tupperware that made the fire act like this? Or was is something from the grill? Danny had no idea, but fire wasn’t supposed to just burn and float through the air like it was currently doing.

Vlad and Jack were where he had left them, but where the grill used to be was a scorched patch of earth and a lot of twisted metal. Danny opened his mouth to ask if they were okay but had to stop when the hot air immediately made him start coughing. That was still enough to get Vlad’s attention, and he waved Danny closer. Danny cautiously made his way through the orange haze of the smoke and fire to his side.

Jack was lying on the ground, unmoving and bleeding from several minor cuts. Danny’s heart leapt to his throat. Was he—? Vlad seemed to know exactly what Danny was thinking just from the look on his face and shook his head no, Jack was fine, just unconscious. Then why hadn’t Vlad moved Jack away from the carnage? He was more than capable—

Sirens in the distance made Danny’s pulse quicken. They had to move his dad before the fire department arrived and saw the two of them standing in the middle of a raging fire without being consumed by it. Danny wanted to sigh but he had already learned that was a bad idea. He settled for grabbing his dad’s right arm while Vlad kept a hold of his left. Together they dragged Jack across the backyard to the front of the house. Thankfully, his mom was farther down the sidewalk, waving at the oncoming firetrucks and ambulance. Sam and Tucker rushed over and helped roll Jack onto his back.

“They’re going to be suspicious if we’re the only ones not…” Danny trailed off with a groan.

“I had come to the same conclusion, yes,” Vlad said, eyeing the raging inferno dubiously.

“The only ones not what? What do you mean?” Tucker asked, looking back and forth between Danny and Vlad before looking at Sam, “What are they talking about?”

“You’re not actually going to go back in there?” Sam demanded. “That’s suicide!”

Danny shrugged. “Only if we die,” he replied shortly. They were running out of time, so Danny turned on his heel and headed back towards the backyard. Vlad fell into step with him. “Ready?”

Without waiting for an answer, they stepped into the blaze.

It wasn’t as bad as Danny had expected. He had definitely been through worse. Gritting his teeth for a few seconds while he torched himself was infinitely easier than explaining how he dragged two people to safety without being injured himself.

Stepping out of the fire, Danny and Vlad immediately started patting themselves down so their smoldering clothes didn’t burn any more than they had to.

It was well past sunset before the fire department could get the fire put out. They couldn’t explain why it had burned the way that it did, a column of flame that burned without fuel and didn’t spread. They were _very curious,_ to put it mildly, as were the police and medics. Samples were taken from everything that had come into contact with the fire: the metal scraps from the grill, what was left of the tupperware container, soil samples from the scorched patch where the explosion originated, and Vlad and Danny’s clothing.

“We’re going to need you gentlemen to strip for science,” the police officer chuckled, holding out a large plastic bag for them to deposit their clothing into.

Jack, who had finally regained consciousness and was being examined in the back of a nearby ambulance, called out, “Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me to strip for science?” He was ignored.

Danny rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt over his head before depositing it into the waiting bag. His shoes, socks, and jeans followed, leaving him in the middle of the street in his boxers. It was just like his freshman year of high school all over again.

“Thank you,” the officer said as he sealed the bag. Danny was incredibly careful to keep his eyes on the officer and not let them drift over to check out Vlad in his peripheral. “If you go over to the ambulance, they’ll have some paper scrubs for you to—wait a minute, I thought you said you hadn’t been injured?”

Danny looked down at himself. There were a few blisters on his arms which he could only see because they were shiny in comparison with the rest of his soot covered skin. Vlad on the other hand had several cuts scattered across his torso that were bleeding sluggishly. His reflexes must not have been fast enough to come out as unscathed as Danny had expected.

“Let’s have the medics take a look at you,” the officer said kindly as he escorted them over to an ambulance adjacent to the one Jack was in.

“We’re going to have to wash you guys off before we can take a look at those wounds,” the one medic said, gesturing to Danny’s blisters and Vlad’s cuts, “There’s no telling what’s in that soot you’re covered in.”

A bucket was found and filled with water from the firetruck along with some rags to scrub the soot off with. The medics and officers then retreated to take care of other business under the guise of giving them some privacy. Where was the concern for privacy a few minutes ago when they had been forced down to their skivvies in front of the whole neighborhood?

“So, which was worse: ghost skunk or fire that violated the laws of physics?” Danny asked as he wiped his arms gingerly. Now that the adrenaline was finally wearing off, Danny was starting to realize just how badly his arms hurt. If he was being honest, which he tended to avoid at all cost, his breathing was a little too rough for comfort as well.

“My immediate response is ghost skunk,” Vlad answered quietly, “That nearly dissolved the flesh from our bones, destroyed your eyesight, and ended with your parents pointing weapons at us while accusing me of taking advantage of you. That is, objectively, worse. Although it is a remarkably close contest considering the alternative involved us willingly standing in the middle of an inferno to allay suspicion.”

“So basically, they both sucked,” Danny summarized. “Part of me wants to say thank you for warning me about Tucker’s screw up, but that would be kinda dumb since that set off a line of dominoes that put my dad in the hospital and set fire to my backyard.”

“Why are you always so eager to lay blame for every little infraction?” Vlad asked peevishly, tossing his washrag into the bucket of grey water. Danny had wanted to dump the water over his head when they were done, but one look in the bucket told him that would not be happening.

“It’s called taking responsibility for your actions, you should try it sometime,” Danny retorted before a coughing fit overtook him. Trying to talk in the fire must have done more damage than he though.

“Daniel?” Vlad’s had landed on Danny’s shoulder, guiding him gently to the back of the ambulance they were next to. After Danny was seated on the bumper, Vlad barked, “We need a medic, now!”

Danny wheezed out a laugh which turned into another coughing fit. He was having a harder and harder time catching his breath. Three medics and the officer from earlier appeared so suddenly that as far as Danny was concerned, they teleported. It was unfairly hilarious to see Vlad’s ire turned on someone else for once. Danny was used to seeing Vlad pissed off; these poor first responders had probably never heard their precious mayor yell, like, ever.

“He’s having trouble breathing,” Vlad explained shortly. He was hovering awfully close, Danny noticed absently. It was almost like he was worried. “He had opened his mouth in the fire.”

“He probably inhaled something. Can you stand up?” the medic who gave them the bucket asked. Danny nodded and slid off the bumper of the ambulance. Vlad immediately grabbed his arm to steady him. “Alright, everybody in, it’s time to take a trip to the hospital. You too, Mr Masters, some of those cuts might need stitches.”

Danny immediately looked up at Vlad, panicked. Hospitals liked to draw blood, and drawing blood was the quickest way to have his secret exposed short of transforming then and there. Vlad squeezed his arm in reassurance before nudging Danny forward. The medics insisted on lifting Danny into the ambulance, which was weird. Danny couldn’t remember the last time someone picked him up and didn’t immediately try to hurl him as far away as possible.

“You’re going to be fine, Daniel,” Vlad promised as the ambulance navigated its way through the mess of vehicles in front of Fenton Works and out onto the main road. Against his better judgement, Danny believed him. They had just walked through fire to make sure their secret stayed secret. Vlad wasn’t about to let all that effort go to waste by letting a stupid blood sample jeopardize their existence.

Relaxing back into the gurney, Danny nodded. Vlad smiled at him briefly before looking at the medic seated across from him and asking, “Now that that’s settled, if we could possibly have those clothes we were promised? The air conditioning is making it a tad chilly.”

It suddenly occurred to Danny that they were still in nothing but their boxers. Once he started laughing, not even Vlad’s peevish glare or his intermittent coughing fits could stop Danny from laughing all the way to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt words used in this fic: song, sunset


	3. What's Whump but a Second Hand Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a tough battle, Danny is too tired to go through the decontamination showers on his own. Vlad just so happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Exhaustion didn’t even begin to describe how tired Danny felt. Maybe if he had paid more attention in English class, he’d have better words to describe his current state, but he doubted it. Even if he had the words, he was probably too tired to remember them let alone think to use them.

Everything felt heavy: his arms, his legs, his head, his breathing, all of him. Dragging his battered body through the wreckage of his latest fight was going to require every ounce of energy he had left. The only thought in Danny’s increasingly cloudy mind was that he needed to get out of the emergency zone before someone found him. Transforming back into Phantom was impossible; Danny needed several hours rest and probably some food before he could even consider using his powers again.

The emergency boundary line was in coming into view. All Danny had to do was get past that yellow caution line and he’d be home free. Well, he’d could be home free. He would still have to crawl through town back to Fenton Works, but that was still a better alternative than—

“We’ve got another one!” an emergency worker in the trademark orange anti-ecto suit called out as he came around the corner of the building Danny was trying to sneak past. Danny groaned as two more came jogging from across the street. If it was just one of them, he might have been able to turn invisible for just long enough to get away. But three of them, in his current state, were impossible to ditch.

Danny toppled back to lean against the nearby brick wall as the three emergency workers converged on him. “He looks pretty shaken up,” the one on the left said to her coworkers. Turning to Danny she asked, “What’s your name, sweetheart? Do you have your emergency ID card on you?”

The card was in his pocket, but he had never actually needed to use it. Not for lack of opportunity, of course. It was because every time he said, “My name is Danny Fenton” the members of his parents’ emergency response team tended to snap into action without asking for more information. It was a blessing and a curse, he supposed.

“Fenton?” the woman repeated, “Oh my god it’s Jack and Maddie’s son. We’re going to take you to your parents, okay? They’re coordinating from the task center. You can talk to them as soon as you go through the decon showers.”

Danny nodded and let the three of them lead him through the destruction of the emergency zone. There wasn’t really anything else he could do besides lean on them and hope they got hit by a truck on the way. The decon showers were the last place he wanted to be; they were specifically what he had been trying to avoid but as usual, his luck was non-existent.

“You’re lucky we found you,” the lady said kindly, which was the exact opposite of how Danny felt, “That plant ghost released a bunch of spores all through town. There’s no telling what those would do to you if left untreated. We’ll get you to the decontamination tents and then see what your mom and dad want you to do from there. They’re busy coordinating the clean up effort right now, but I’m sure they can spare someone to get you home safely.”

“Are you kidding?” one of the men holding Danny upright piped in, “Do you not see the carnage that plant thing and the ghost boy caused? You know it’s all hands-on deck, nobody’s going to have time to deal with this kid, Fenton or not. A Fenton should have known better than to stick around during a ghost attack. Besides, he looks like he’s down for the count. The only reason he’s still upright is because we’re holding him. He’d be better off crashing in the corner of the command tent where he’s out of the way and not wasting any more of our time.”

Danny was too tired to even point out that they were the ones who insisted on escorting him, he hadn’t asked for their help. He couldn’t even muster up enough energy to resent being treated like a burden.

“You’re only being nice to him because you’re up for the new supervisor position and you wanna suck up to the bosses,” the other man pointed out with a snicker. The woman didn’t respond, and she didn’t try to comfort Danny any further, which was just as well.

The white tents of the task center finally came into view. Two of the tents had blue steam rising steadily from slits in the tops and a row of grey fifty-gallon drums lined up between them. Those were the decon showers. The drums were filled with patent-pending Fenton Ecto-Decontamination Solvent which ran through pipes connected to the water lines in the makeshift showers. Any grade four or lower ectoplasmic matter than went through those showers was neutralized and dissolved on a molecular level. Danny was partially composed of at least grade six ectoplasmic matter so he couldn’t be dissolved, but the showers still hurt like a motherfucker. Given his current condition, Danny anticipated passing out the moment the cleanser hit his skin.

Beyond the shower tents were the other operational and rescue facilities. His parents were in the command tent, working with rescue teams and law enforcement to ensure that contaminated items and ectoplasmic waste were handled safely and appropriately. Danny was a little proud to see his parents finally getting the respect they deserved for being experts in their field. He just wished it didn’t come at his personal expense.

“Sit here for a minute,” the woman ordered, no longer pretending to be polite. As she walked away, Danny memorized the ID number on the back of her jumpsuit. She wouldn’t be getting a promotion any time soon if he had anything to say about it. Now that the two men weren’t holding him upright, Danny collapsed onto the asphalt. It was the most comfortable position he’d been in for the past several hours, so he couldn’t really complain.

Danny wasn’t sure how long he spent curled up on the ground. It was long enough that between one labored breath and the next, he dozed off.

“Daniel? Daniel!” a voice pierced through his hazy consciousness. Danny had to struggle to open his eyes through the crust that had built up on them as he slept. Vlad was knelt down on one knee next to him, brow furrowed with concern.

“I’m up, I’m awake,” Danny croaked as he tried to scramble to his feet. Vlad’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“What happened?” he demanded once he was satisfied that Danny was going to remain stationary.

“Undergrowth was—”

“Not that,” Vlad interrupted with a dismissive wave of the hand that wasn’t firmly grasping Danny’s shoulder. “Where have you been? What are you doing on the ground?”

Danny frowned. “It’s not like I chose to take a nap here on purpose,” he snapped, or tried to. His voice sounded raspy and drained even to his own ears. “Emergency crew found me before I could get out of the quarantine zone. They dumped me off here and dicked off to who cares where. And since I got my ass so thoroughly kicked by Undergrowth, I’m too exhausted to do anything but sit here and take everyone’s abuse. You’d think I’d be used to that by now.”

“They abandoned you here?” Vlad demanded, outraged. “Did you not show them your ID—”

Danny laughed hollowly. “Yeah, they knew who I am. Pretty sure that’s why they did it. Said a Fenton should have known better than to get caught in the danger zone.”

To Danny’s utter confusion, Vlad’s eyes steadily crept from blue to a violent glowing red. That only happened involuntarily in response to strong emotion. What did Vlad have to be angry about? If he even were angry, there were other emotions that could be the culprit, but none of them seemed relevant at the moment.

Using the hand that had been on Danny’s shoulder this entire time, Vlad cupped Danny’s cheek gently but firmly and guided his head around. The inspection lasted only a few seconds which was good because Danny’s heart was trying to vibrate out of his chest. After several seconds during which Danny thought he was going to die of a heart attack, Vlad finally decided that Danny had passed examination. With a deep, tired sigh that Danny found super relatable, Vlad patted him on the cheek twice as his eyes faded back to blue.

“As you are currently too much of an invalid to handle this on your own, I suppose I will have to lend you a hand,” Vlad said disdainfully in complete contrast to the gentle hand that still graced Danny’s cheek.

“No thanks,” Danny said, trying to pull back. If Vlad was still on this side of the tents, that meant he hadn’t gone through the decon showers yet either. “My plan is to lay here until whatever spores Undergrowth seeded me with sprouts, and I turn into plant food. It’s honestly not the worst death I can think of. I’m good.”

“Absolutely not,” Vlad declared, rising to his feet. Danny groaned. Vlad was in one of his ‘obey me or else’ moods. Normally Danny would dig his heels in and defy Vlad at every opportunity, but he wasn’t in much of a position to protest. He was in even less of a position to protest when Vlad hauled him up from the ground and slung Danny’s arm across his shoulders.

“Noooo,” Danny whined, trying his hardest to be dead weight to at least slow Vlad down a little. It didn’t work, of course, but Danny wanted to be able to say he tried.

“Why are you being so obstinate? I’m trying to help you!” Vlad growled.

“I don’t want to go through the decon showers!”

“We’re not going through the decontamination showers! Your powers might be out of commission, but I am still very capable of—”

“Danny! Vlad!” Maddie yelled from the far side of the tents. She waved several times to make sure she had their attention. “We’ve been worried sick, no one could find you anywhere! Jack’s waiting at the end of the decon showers with fresh clothes, head on through!”

“Oh, sherbet pips,” Vlad muttered before calling back to Maddie, “Of course, dear! We’re heading in now!”

Danny glared up at his would-be savior. “What was that about not going through the showers?”

“Do shut up, Daniel. Gloating is unbecoming.” Danny snickered a little but complied.

His humor died entirely the moment they entered the decon tent. Even just smelling the vapors burned Danny’s throat and lungs. Vlad cleared his throat uncomfortably. At least they were in this together.

“How are we going to do this?” Danny whispered frantically, eyeing the orange clad emergency workers who were manning the sprayers. Through the haze, at the far end of the tent, Danny could see his dad waiting for them with the promised change of clothes. It was hard enough for him to grit his teeth and bear it under normal circumstances but in his current state it was going to be almost impossible to keep from crying out.

“Painfully, I suspect,” Vlad murmured as he also assessed the tent. Looking down at Danny’s panicked face, Vlad’s expression softened ever so slightly. “Come along, little badger. Let’s get this over with. It can’t be any worse than walking through fire.”

“At least then I could walk on my own two feet,” Danny grumbled but shuffled along with Vlad as best he could.

Two emergency workers approached with hazmat containers to take their clothes. Danny dropped his arm from around Vlad’s neck so the older man could strip down to his boxers. They were navy blue with little silver flecks this time, Danny hated himself for noticing. After Vlad sorted out his own sartorial situation, he turned to help Danny.

Mortification burned through Danny as Vlad helped pull his t-shirt over his head. One of the emergency workers untied his shoes. Vlad helped Danny keep his balance as his shoes and socks were removed. Danny insisted on removing his own jeans, glaring at Vlad so hard that he backed off. Remembering how Vlad’s hands felt running up his chest and pulling off his shirt was going to be hard enough to resist, Danny didn’t need to add the sensation of Vlad unbuttoning his jeans to his spank bank too.

After struggling out of his jeans, it was time for Danny to face his fate. With Vlad holding his upper arm to guide him, the two halfas stepped into the first set of sprayers.

The water _stung_. Danny had accidentally stepped on a jellyfish once during a family beach trip when he was little. This was a similar sensation, except spread all over his body. The initial burst of pain felt like stinging needles before fading to a burn that vacillated between hot and cold. Every time they moved under a new sprayer and came into contact with fresh Ecto-Decontamination Solvent, the cycle of needles and burning began all over again.

There were four rows of sprayers and they had just made it past the second one. Halfway there. Danny ground his teeth together so hard his jaw made a cracking noise. Vlad wasn’t in much better shape if the death grip he had on Danny’s arm was any indication.

Third sprayer. Jack was waiving at them, grinning, and saying something about the clothes he brought for them. Danny nodded in agreement to whatever his dad was saying.

As they stepped out from under the fourth sprayer, Danny immediately grabbed one of the towels his dad was holding out for them and began vigorously drying his hair. The burning was going to last as long as the chemical was on his skin and the fresh droplets falling from his wet hair would make the pain linger. In his peripheral vision, Danny could see Vlad doing the same thing.

“Danny! Vlad! We were so worried about you!” Jack boomed, shoving their clothes at them. Danny had never been so happy to see old gym clothes in his life. Struggling the faded black Casper High shirt over his wet skin immediately wicked some of the chemical. He would need to take a real shower as soon as he got home, but for the moment Danny’s pain was manageable.

“Sorry dad,” Danny said as he pulled on his sweatpants. “I, uh, got caught at the epicenter. Some of the emergency crew found me, I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” Jack asked, looking first at Danny and then to Vlad. “You both look like two wet cats that just rolled out of a burlap sack and into traffic.”

“What a delightful analogy,” Vlad griped, wringing more liquid out of his long grey hair. “It’s been a rather trying day for all of us, Jack.”

“Don’t I know it! Maddie couldn’t break away from the control center, the burden of command and all that, but we wanted to make sure you guys were okay. I don’t know what we’d do if anything happened to Danny. Or you, Vladdy, you’re part of the family too!” Jack declared, clapping his oldest friend on the shoulder so hard that Vlad stumbled a little. “I’ve gotta get back to it. Vlad, would you mind making sure Danny gets home safe? You can crash in the guest room if you want, I know the road to your side of town is blocked off right now.”

“Of course,” Vlad promised, pulling Danny close with an arm across his shoulders. He even sounded genuine about it.

Jack dashed off leaving the two halfas mostly alone once more. “I could probably get home on my own,” Danny offered. It would suck, but he could do it.

“I’m considering taking Jack up on the offer of the guest room,” Vlad said, using the arm around Danny’s shoulders to move him forward. Danny was feeling both better and worse: the warm water had done wonders for the ache and pains of his muscles, but now he wanted to peel his own skin off. At least he was walking a little better.

“Really? Why?” Danny asked skeptically as they headed out of the cluster of tents and in the general direction of Fenton Works. “It’s not like the road being blocked off can stop you from getting home.”

“Correct, but your shower is closer. The sooner I wash this damned solvent off, the better.”

“Haven’t we done enough showering recently?” Danny asked petulantly.

“We? Who said you were invited?” Vlad replied slyly.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!” Danny spluttered. He could feel the vibrations of Vlad’s laughter where their sides were pressed together. Hopefully, Vlad couldn’t see how red his face was. “I will let you fly us back to Fenton Works if you stop laughing right now! Ugh, I can’t stand you sometimes.”

Vlad’s laughter faded to a chuckle and then ended, but Danny could still hear the mirth in his voice when he said, “Well since you’ve so graciously given me your permission.” It was strange being inside the black rings as Vlad transformed. Danny was obviously accustomed to his own white rings, but the black wasn’t as jarring as he expected.

Being thrown over Vlad’s shoulder and getting a mouthful of billowing cape on the other hand **was** jarring. “Hey!” Danny protested weakly. Plasmius’ shoulders were so ridiculously broad in comparison with Masters’, how was that even possible? How was it fair to Danny, hadn’t his hormones suffered enough for one day?

“Beggars can’t be choosers, little badger,” Vlad declared smugly as they flew, invisible, through the early morning sunrise. Danny groaned, but there wasn’t really anything he could do besides enjoy the ride, and the view of Plasmius’ ass every time the wind blew his cape just right. Truly, his suffering was immeasurable.


	4. Don't Drop the Soap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny and Vlad have to break out of Walker's maximum security prison before they're handed off to an unknown buyer. Of course, the inmate processing involves a shower since Walker is so concerned about human contamination.

“Daniel, wake up!” Vlad hissed, but Danny ignored him in favor of burying his face deeper into the older man’s shoulder, trying desperately to fall back asleep. He had been having the most delicious dream until Vlad had so rudely interrupted. “Daniel!”

Memories of his dream were slipping through his fingers the harder he tried to hold on to them. Something about red silk boxers, and the slippery sensation of wet skin sliding together…

“Hnng,” Danny groaned unhappily. “Fuck off, Vlad.”

A sharp strike to Danny’s ribs followed by a jolt of electricity woke Danny the rest of the way up. “What the—”

“What have I told you about using that kind of language in my domain, ghost boy?” Walker drawled. Danny scowled. “I’m happy to see you too. Hope you enjoyed your nap, that’s probably the last decent sleep you’re gunna be having for a while.”

“And why is that?” Danny demanded, sitting upright and rubbing at the welt on his side. How did they wind up here? The last thing Danny remembered was fighting with Skulker. Danny had been winning, but when he took his eyes off the other ghost for a half second to take the cap off the thermos, everything went blank.

“Skulker, that lawless bounty hunter, actually did something right for once,” Walker began. Pulling his nightstick from his belt, he twirled it as he paced in front of Vlad and Danny. “He’s found a buyer for you sorry abominations. Skulker already held up his end of the bargain. He caught you, I’ll deliver you, and we split the profits. Then I arrest him and throw him back in the clink for violating my laws. Everybody wins.”

“Sounds like you’re the only one winning in that scenario,” Danny pointed out absently as he assessed their situation. Danny had been arrested so many times for breaking Walker’s rules that he pretty much had the layout of the ghostly penitentiary memorized. If he had to guess, they were in one of the southern holding cells just outside of high security processing. There were four more guards in addition to Walker in the cell, each armed with a standard issue electro-baton.

“That’s because I’m the only one with enough authority and integrity worth respecting,” Walker declared. Vlad snorted derisively. Walker instantly switched his attention away from Danny. “Something funny, Plasmius?”

“Everything about that statement was amusing, actually. Was it not meant to be? I thought you were making a joke,” Vlad explained with a smile that was too sharp to be genuine.

Walker’s eyes narrowed. “Careful, Plasmius,” the warden warned, pointing his baton directly at Vlad’s face. “You’re not as much of a big shot as you think you are. Especially in here.”

“Oh? And what is that supposed to mean?” Vlad asked lightly. He leaned forward slightly, sticking his chin out just a bit like he was daring Walker to take a swing at him.

Walker grinned and raised his baton to take the bait. The nightstick came down so fast that it whistled through the air. Danny watched anxiously, breath stuck in his throat, but there was

something wrong with the angle of Walker’s swing, it wasn’t heading for Vlad it was coming toward—

CRACK!

Danny’s head snapped back with the force of the blow, slamming into the cinderblock wall at his back. Pain immediately radiated through his whole head from the two points of impact. The alkaline taste of ectoplasm flooded his mouth. Licking his lips, Danny was unsurprised to find the lower one split open and dripping ectoplasm down his face.

Vlad snarled and surged forward, fangs barred, but two of the guards jabbed him with their electro-batons forcing him back onto the metal bench they were sharing. Another growl vibrated out of the depths of Plasmius’ chest, he tensed like he was about to lunge forward again, then collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

Walker smiled, which made Danny’s blood boil. “We’ve keeping an eye on you boys, just waiting for an opportunity. Almost had you a while back until that polecat interrupted. But guess what we discovered in the meantime? You two actually like each other. That came as a surprise to everyone, let me tell you. Your feud was the stuff of legend, but look at you now. Sitting obediently, side by side. And you’ll keep being obedient, because if you don’t, the other one is going to get it.” Walker leaned down so he was nose to nose with Danny before continuing, “And we all know you’d hate to see that happen. You might be able to take whatever we dish out, but you wouldn’t be willing to put your mate through it.”

Danny spat the mouthful of ectoplasm he had been holding directly into Walker’s eyes causing him to reel back. “You’re so full of shit.”

Vlad spasmed again as he was jabbed by the guards, but he remained silent. Finding out that he had been spied on was more than a little creepy, but Danny found it hilarious just how badly Walker had misinterpreted whatever he had ‘discovered.’ Sure, Danny could admit that something had changed between him and Vlad. Did he want the older halfa hurt? Not really, not unless Danny was the one inflicting the damage and only when Vlad really deserved it. But if Walker thought he could manipulate the two of them into behaving by threatening to hurt the other, he was even dumber than Danny had originally thought. They were the two most stubborn beings in existence, and it was always a good day to die.

“Get these two out of my sight,” Walker ordered as he wiped the ectoplasm off his face, “I want them through processing and in the transport truck within the hour.”

“Have you forgotten that we can just do this?” Danny asked as white rings appeared around his middle before fizzling out. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He tried again, but ended up with the same result. He couldn’t drop his transformation.

“We planned for that,” Walker promised ominously as the guards hauled Danny and Vlad off the bench and began escorting them out of the cell. “We’ve planned for everything this time, ghost boy.”

Danny’s mind was whirling as they made their way to high security processing. What had Walker done to them? Not being able to return to his human form was so much more terrifying than Vlad getting hurt, Walker should have used that as the main point of his speech instead. Vlad was tough as hell, Danny didn’t need to worry about him, except maybe in the context of Walker calling him Danny’s mate, whatever that meant.

The first stop was property room where the personal effects of inmates were kept. Usually, this is where Danny’s Fenton Thermos was kept before he stole it back while breaking out. He almost hadn’t brought a Fenton Thermos today though because he didn't expect to need it. Danny and Vlad were just flying around, doing some casual exploration, it hadn’t seemed necessary at the time. He had been grateful to have it when Skulker showed up but it hadn't done them any good. The bounty hunter probably still had it, which was a problem he'd have to deal with sooner rather than later. 

After the property room was the shower hall. Walker was a total germophobe to the surprise of no one; no contraband of any kind, even down to the molecular level, was allowed in his prison.

“You know the drill, Phantom,” one of the guards said, gesturing to the bin where he was supposed to deposit his suit, “Strip and shower.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Danny muttered, glancing at Vlad out of the corner of his eye and thinking about all the other times they had been told those words recently. Danny unzipped his jumpsuit and tossed it into the bin. Being naked as Phantom was always a strange sensation. The suit was part of him, but it was also removable. It would reform on his body in a few hours anyway, so he wasn’t sure why they kept bothering with this ritual every time he got arrested. At least they let him keep the black boxer briefs that manifested to keep him decent.

Stepping under the spray, Danny tilted his head back to let the water run over his face and hair. Despite the fact that there were probably a dozen showerheads in the hall, Vlad chose the one right next to Danny. “I’m somewhat concerned that you’re so familiar with the routines of this establishment,” he commented dryly. He was close enough that the spray was bouncing off his chest and hitting Danny.

“It’s not my fault Walker thinks I’m a wild teenage punk who needs to be taught a lesson.”

“That doesn’t sound like something someone who takes personal responsibility for his actions would say,” Vlad pointed out. Danny turned to say something scathing only to see Plasmius giving him a fangy grin. Danny snorted as some water went up his nose. Smooth, Phantom.

Plasmius’ boxer briefs were white, which made sense. Danny’s were black since his suit was mostly black, Vlad’s were white since his suit was mostly white. Thankfully they were made of some ghost material that didn’t get clingy or transparent when wet, otherwise Vlad would have been barring more blue skin than either of them would be comfortable with.

Shaking his head to clear it and get rid of excess water at the same time, Danny said, “Oh, I’m definitely a wild teenage punk. I just don’t think he’s got the right to be teaching me any lessons.”

“Oh? Then who, pray tell, does have that right?”

Danny was thankful that his ghost form didn’t physically have a heart because it would have been beating out of his chest. There was no way that Vlad could have meant that the way it sounded. Danny was just hormonal and naked in a shower with an attractive older man for the fourth time. It was wreaking havoc on his brain but that was not an excuse to misinterpret Vlad’s undoubtedly innocuous words. The last time Danny had done that, Vlad had thrown him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and teased him mercilessly.

The guards saved Danny from having to answer. “That’s good enough,” the one said, gesturing to the exit door with his baton. “Move along. Once we get you prisoners into your uniforms, you’ll be loaded onto the truck.”

“Who could possibly have enough clout to strike a deal with both Skulker and Walker?” Vlad mused rhetorically as they were herded down the hall and into the next room. “I can’t think of anyone who could bribe Skulker away from my employ.”

“Don’t bother trying to bait them for info,” Danny said as he pulled on the black and white striped prisoner’s uniform. “They’re too stupid for Walker to trust them with any important information. Think of them like dogs who’ve been trained to bite on command. They only exist to obey.”

“You know Phantom,” one of the ghosts who was guarding the door said, “Normally we’d teach you a lesson about respect for that. But not even you can ruin this for us.”

“Why, because I’ll finally be out of the way? Because your boss will be happy for like ten minutes until he finds something else to bitch about?”

“All of that,” the ghost agreed, casually smacking Danny with his baton for cursing. Danny hissed and rubbed at the shiny white skin of his newest electrical burn. “But also, we’ve had some upgrades around here. Too bad you won’t be around long enough to enjoy them.”

“I might not be as frequent a flyer to this place as Daniel, but it looks remarkably unchanged from the last time I graced these halls,” Vlad declared, suitably unimpressed.

“Can’t really improve on perfection,” another guard said with a laugh, slapping the grey cinderblock affectionately. “She’s a good old building. Serves her purpose, which is the best any of us can hope for. All she needed was an amplifier to keep you two freaks in line.”

Freak. Danny hated that word. He really, really hated that word. It made his vision turn a little red at the edges, made him less rational and more likely to snap. Danny’s hands started shaking a little with adrenaline, forcing him to ball them into fists in an effort to keep calm a little longer. Whatever Vlad was doing, he needed to hurry it up because Danny was about to break out the old-fashioned way.

“Amplifier?” Vlad asked with genuine curiosity.

“If you were real ghosts you would have noticed by now,” the guard chuckled. Danny scowled and flexed his fingers to release some restless tension. “It’s an amplifier for ghostly energies. That’s why you can’t turn back into humans, we’ve pumped this place with so much juice that nothing from the human world could survive here for more than a few minutes. It keeps you in your ghost forms so you can’t just slip out through the walls like you usually do.”

“You—what?” Vlad asked incredulously. Danny was so flabbergasted that his rage evaporated. They couldn’t actually be that dumb, could they?

“Pretty smart, right? Taking away the only thing that makes you special in here? It was the boss’s idea,” the guard explained smugly.

“The only thing that makes us—do you realize who you’re talking to?” Vlad demanded, lunging forward and wrenching the guard’s baton out of his hand before cracking it in half across his helmeted head. “The audacity, the utter idiocy of—”

“Complain later,” Danny interrupted as the rest of the guards converged on them. The claxon began wailing and the red emergency light flashed. Magenta and green ectobolts flew through the air, striking guard after guard until there was finally a break in the chaos.

“What’s the fastest way out of here?” Vlad asked as he used a chair and unbroken baton to bar first one door then the other.

“Right here, cover your ears,” was all the warning Danny gave before letting loose the most powerful ghostly wail he had ever done in his life. That amplifier was the real deal. The wail crashed through four walls and echoed out into the cloudy green sky of the ghost zone.

Vlad and Danny shot out of the newly made exit like they were being chased, but after a while it became clear that no one was foolish enough to pursue them. Still, they didn’t slow down until they were at the halfway point between the Fenton portal and the portal in Vlad’s private lab.

“Well, that happened,” Danny said, for once at a loss for words as he watched the black and silver of his suit reform.

“I’ve never been so insulted in my life,” Vlad grumbled, inspecting his cape as it unfurled. He paused, seemed to reconsider his words, and amended, “Not in the last few weeks, at any rate.”

“Stupidity is the gift that keeps on giving. They’ll never learn.”

“Speaking of gifts,” Vlad said, finally satisfied enough with the condition of his suit to look at Danny, “Walker’s expression when you spit in his eye was exceptionally satisfying.”

“Yeah,” Danny said with a grin, remembering the mix of disgust and outrage on the warden’s face. “Sorry you got hit for it, though.”

“You were only bleeding in the first place because I questioned his supposed authority,” Vlad pointed out.

“Well yeah, but you did that before we knew about his weird, coercive punishment plan. I did it after, I knew he was going to hit you for it.”

“And you also knew I could take their abuse, just as I knew you could handle whatever punishment they doled out. They don’t carry the power they think they do, even with their amplifier,” Vlad pointed out.

“True,” Danny agreed, rubbing at one of the injuries on his chest. It was still sore, but it would start healing soon. “Also, we’re super bad ass and they don’t have a firm grasp on the concept of halfas.”

“Commoners often fail to notice when gods walk among them,” Vlad declared smugly.

“How do you fit through doors with an ego that big?” Danny asked, rolling his eyes. Just as Danny was about to tear Vlad’s inflated sense of self down to size, he realized something about Vlad’s previous statement didn’t quite match up. “Wait, you just said you knew I could take their abuse?”

“Yes? If **_I_** can’t force you into submission, then there was no chance of those weak—”

“Then why did you try to rip Walker’s throat out with your teeth for busting my jaw?” Danny demanded. Vlad pursed his lips and looked away from Danny’s searching gaze. It was a lie then. His belief in Danny’s competence was a lie. “So you didn’t actually think I could handle it? Gee, thanks for that. Need I remind you that I’m the one who—”

“Daniel, that’s not why I—” Vlad interrupted, then paused to run a hand across his face in frustration. “Do we have to do this right now? I’m exhausted, in pain, and a little high on adrenaline. I imagine you’re in a similar state. It would be best if—”

“You just described my usual state of being, and it never gets better so get to the point.”

“You’re infuriating,” Vlad declared, floating closer to loom over Danny. That tactic might have worked a few years ago, but Danny and Vlad were too close to the same height for the older man to use it to his advantage. Danny tensed, ready for another fight, but Vlad held his posture for a moment longer before deflating with a sigh. “Walker was…not incorrect about the changed nature of our relationship. Surely you’ve noticed the difference?”

“Maybe,” Danny hedged mulishly. “Wait, so what he said about being mates—”

“That was utter garbage,” Vlad scoffed. “Those don’t exist, for ghosts, humans, or halfas. I think he meant mate like a matched pair.”

“So, our relationship changed and now we’re a pair of socks. Thanks, that cleared up absolutely nothing.”

“You’re being difficult on purpose,” Vlad muttered. Danny cracked a small grin, then realized what he was doing and stopped. Vlad noticed anyway, they were close enough to see every detail on the other’s face. Danny focused on the slight indentation in Vlad’s lower lip where his fangs pressed against his blue skin. It was easier than looking in his eyes. “I can be confident in your abilities and resilience while still not wanting to see you hurt. Those are two feelings that can and do coexist.”

“Oh,” Danny said, swallowing hard. “In my defense, you’re usually kind of a bastard to me. It might take a while to get used to such positive affirmation.”

“That _is_ something your life that seems to be lacking,” Vlad murmured in agreement. Slowly, so that Danny could pull away if he wanted to, Vlad brought his hand up to inspect the undoubtedly bruised skin of Danny’s jaw. Danny hissed slightly at the stinging that followed even such gentle contact. Vlad froze and they locked eyes. Danny nodded slightly for Vlad to continue. He did, skimming gently across the injured flesh with gloved fingertips. “You should head home and put some ice on this.”

“Yeah,” Danny croaked. He knew he should pull away, should go home and take care of his numerous injuries, but Vlad’s touch and proximity were mesmerizing.

Danny lingered a few more seconds, basking in Vlad’s unexpected affection, before pulling away with an awkward chuckle. “The adrenaline is finally wearing off and I feel like I just got out of a prison riot,” he apologized in a stilted voice, trying to mask his confusion with a lopsided smile, “I’m gunna go take an ice bath. See you later, fruitloop!”

“Good bye, little badger,” Vlad called back as he flew in the opposite direction.

Danny wished the ice bath could have the same effect on his emotions as it did on his body.


	5. Nasty Is One Letter Off From Tasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunchlady interrupts an assembly in the messiest way possible, forcing Danny and Vlad to use the locker room showers. Dash stands guard at the door, because he's helpful like that.

As a freshman, Danny had thought school assemblies were the dumbest waste of time imaginable. The only thing they were good for was getting out of class. The events never had the impact that the teachers envisioned; nobody stopped smoking weed after the anti-drug magic show, mental health services weren’t more accessible after the suicide awareness presentation, the anti-bullying musical number actually encouraged the football team to get more creative with their abuse, and the career fair had ended with the fire department being called after the Nasty Burger booth’s portable demo fryer started a grease fire.

By senior year, Danny had learned to appreciate these breaks in the monotony of his school day. It was either accept them or be driven crazy by them, considering just how many seniors had to attend. Cap and gown ordering, senior pictures, graduation requirement meetings, more college fairs, last minute SAT prep meetings, cap and gown fitting and re-ordering, senior picture retakes, the class picture on the football field, CPR certification that was mandated by the state, as well as the other assemblies and pep rallies that the rest of the school participated in. It was sort of ironic that they spent so little time in class when senior year was their last-ditch effort to buckle down and bring up their GPA’s.

The end was nearly in sight. Danny had less than three weeks left to suffer through before graduation. Three weeks, and he’d never have to walk through the halls of Casper High ever again. Unless there was a ghost attack, but he was trying not to think about that.

Danny was trying not to think about anything at all really, other than the notebook currently open in his lap. He’d written himself into a corner and wasn’t sure how to get out of it. Nothing rhymed with silver, but grey was super bland and didn’t really convey—

“Are you still agonizing over that stupid poetry assignment?” Sam asked, disrupting Danny’s concentration. Danny slid down further in his auditorium chair and drew his knees up, pinning the notebook between them and his chest. “Since when did you start caring so much about lit class? I thought you had a B, there’s literally no way for you to fail between now and graduation.”

“Shut up, Sam,” Danny grumbled. It was a dumb idea. Danny knew it was a dumb idea, and he didn’t need Sam sticking her opinions where they weren’t wanted. But on Monday when Lancer had started waxing poetic about the emotional catharsis that writing could bring, Danny was intrigued. He might not be the most creative or emotionally intelligent guy in the world, but he had a lot of confusing feelings rattling around in his head and putting them down on paper seemed like a good idea. Plus, he could potentially improve his lit grade by doing so. It was a win-win.

Or so Danny had thought when he started the assignment. Poetry was hard. Poetry, Danny had quickly realized, was like playing a game without knowing the rules. He could identify the ball, but he had no idea how to use it and all the other players were yelling at him about it. Meter? Rhyme scheme? Stanzas? Couplets? Whatever Shakespeare had going on? Danny was completely adrift, no idea what he was doing and too embarrassed to ask for help.

“Let me see,” Sam demanded, grabbing the corner of Danny’s notebook. Danny held it closer to his chest, refusing to let her see. The only reason Danny felt safe turning in the poem to Lancer was the fact that Lancer wouldn’t know or care what it was about. If Sam saw it, she might figure out that Danny was writing about a specific person and that would lead to all kinds of questions that Danny didn’t want to answer. “Danny, just let me help! You know poetry is my thing, why didn’t you just come to me in the first place?”

“Knock it off, Sam, I don’t need help!” Danny hissed, keeping a firm grip on the notebook.

“It’s just homework, I don’t get why you’re being so—wait, what’s Vlad doing here?” Sam asked suspiciously. Danny whipped around immediately. Vlad was just off to the side of the auditorium stage talking with their principal. He must be the special guest speaker for the assembly. Danny cursed under his breath. He should have expected Vlad to be there, the mayor gave a ‘welcome to the real world’ pep talk to the senior class at the end of every year.

Taking advantage of Danny’s distraction, Sam yanked the notebook out of his hands. “Hey!” he squawked, lunging to get it back. Sam cackled and held it just out of reach. Danny half stood, kneeling on his seat, stretching to get the notebook back, when another hand entirely plucked it out of Sam’s grasp.

“Mr Fenton, Ms Manson,” Mr Lancer drawled, scanning the open page of the notebook. “One would think that the two of you would know better than to be passing love letters during assembly. Give me one good reason to not read this aloud in front of the whole assembly.”

“Because using humiliation as a punitive tactic to control students is barbaric and outdated pedagogy?” Sam quipped.

“Hmm, a valid point but I’m not entirely convinced. Care to weigh in, Mr Fenton? It is your notebook, it’s your,” Lancer paused, squinted at the paper and turned it slightly sideways, “terrible poetry that’s about to be broadcast to the student body.”

“It’s not a love poem. I mean, it kind of is, but—” Danny rambled before pausing, taking a breath, and trying again more coherently, “It’s my lit homework. For the assignment you gave us on Monday? Pick a stylistic form we studied this year and cram our emotions about graduating into it?”

“Oh!” Lancer said. His eyebrows rose to meet his hairline or would have if he had a hairline. He read over the page once again. “Well then. I’m glad to see that after four years, your work ethic has finally improved. It might be the eleventh hour, but better late than never I suppose. This piece is messy and unedited, but the raw emotion is a refreshing change of pace from the usual drivel I grade. I’ll give you an extension until next Wednesday to clean this up, but only because I feel it might actually have a small kernel of potential. If I see you working on it again during assembly, I will confiscate it and send it out to the faculty in the weekly student shame email, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir,” Danny said gratefully, taking the notebook back and shoving it into the depths of his backpack.

“I think there was a compliment or two hidden in Lancer’s bullshit,” Sam commented as they settled back into their seats. Crisis averted.

“You know he gets sentimental around this time of year,” Danny reminded her. “Graduation does that to him every time. He starts reminiscing about giving us our first detention, or how terrible our freshman essays were.”

“Call me crazy, but I think I’m actually going to miss him.”

“Right? Lancer was pretty much the only reliable adult in our lives four the past four years. He wasn’t always the authority figure we deserved, but definitely the one we needed.”

“CASPER HIGH SENIOR CLASS!” Tucker’s voice boomed over the speakers from his spot in the AV booth. Colored lights started flashing on stage as the disco ball lowered. “It is not my honor, but it is my duty to present to you the sleaziest, egotistical cheese head politician that our parents could ever have elected as mayor: Mr Vlad Masters!”

“TUCKER FOLEY!” Lancer bellowed, taking the stairs up to the AV booth two at a time while the students and some of the other faculty laughed uproariously.

“Thank you, Tucker,” Vlad sighed as he stepped up to the mic at the podium. The lights and disco ball stopped abruptly as Lancer entered the AV booth. There was a squawking noise from Tucker before his mic shut off. Danny thought it was totally worth it. “I don’t think I really need to add to such a stellar introduction.

“I’m here today to speak with you about the next phase of your life. For some of you, that will involve college or technical school. Some of you will enter the work force. Others will spend an indefinite amount of time living on a couch in your parents’ basement. Yes, yes,” Vlad said as a few people laughed, “We’re trying to be realistic here, so I will be honest with you. You are adults or are close enough to being adults. Some of you will be experiencing the real world for the first time. Others might have been thrust into it a long time ago,” Vlad briefly glanced at Danny when he said this, before looking around the auditorium. Maybe Danny had just imagined that look.

“The world you are joining is not a bright, shining utopia. Those of you attending college will accrue student debt. Those of you entering the workforce will work long hours for little to no pay. The housing market is in shambles. Climate change is rapidly impacting our day to day lives,” Vlad continued.

“Yeah, and his companies are part of the problem,” Sam muttered.

“It will take a great deal of strength to survive in this brand-new world. But don’t think for a moment that you have to tackle it alone. You have spent the last several years building bonds of community and friendship together. Don’t let time and distance destroy what you’ve built together. Community is the backbone that will help you bear the burdens to come.”

“Well, that’s unexpected,” Sam whispered, “Normally he plugs local businesses like he’s getting a commission or something.”

“I think he’s having a midlife crisis,” Danny whispered back. “Or maybe just regretting how things went down with my parents back in the day?”

“That’s gotta be it. I was genuinely surprised when he helped save your dad at the cookout last summer, but it makes more sense now.”

“—Which is why the Nasty Burger has increased their starting pay to $15. They’ve also made changes to their sauce formulas and have begun sourcing their meat more ethically to align their business practices more closely with state and local guidelines. The Nasty Burger is investing in the community and is a business that any of you should be proud to—”

A blue puff of vapor filtered out of Danny’s nose just as the auditorium lights began flickering.

“SO, YOU’RE THE ONE THAT MADE THEM CHANGE THE SPECIAL SAUCE!!!” Lunchlady screeched as she descended through the ceiling in a whirling fast-food tornado. “THE NASTY SAUCE FORMULA HAS BEEN THE SAME SINCE 1932! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO CHANGE IT ON A WHIM?”

“The fact that I own the restaurant and don’t want to deal with any more class action lawsuits!” Vlad shouted back. “Who wants to eat a combustible sauce?”

“THAT’S WHAT GIVES IT THE ZESTY FLAVOR!” she insisted, pulling the food whirling around her into the shape of a fist.

Danny bobbed and weaved through the panicked mass of students heading towards the exits. As he reached the edge of the stage, Danny pulled the Fenton Thermos out of his backpack. He only had a few seconds to get this right. If her attention stayed on Vlad, this might just work.

The mass of burgers, chicken nuggets, fries, milkshakes, and sauce continued to congeal above them. Vlad spotted Danny pulling the cap off the thermos and yelled at Lunchlady, “Is the sauce really that important? The new formula works so much better with our gluten free options.”

“GLUTEN FREE?!?!” she yelled, then paused. “Oh. Well, isn’t that thoughtful of you, making sure all the little celiac kiddos can still get a nice, tasty meal. BUT THE SAUCE IS NON-NEGOTIABLE!”

Danny decided that he was at the best angle he was going to get and pressed the button on the side of the thermos. The blue-white tractor beam shot out, catching Lunchlady unaware and pulling her into the container, screaming all the way.

Slamming the lid on the thermos, Danny looked up to make a food pun to Vlad. Instead, he was greeted by several hundred pounds of greasy fast food falling on top of him. Why hadn’t he seen that coming? That’s what happened every time he fought Lunchlady, the food was always left behind.

“I’m blaming you for this,” Vlad groaned from somewhere above Danny on the stage.

“What happened to not assigning blame for every little infraction?” Danny retorted, “Besides, you’re the one who changed the Nasty Sauce formula.”

“A fact which you will be thanking me for when you have to wash it out of your hair.”

“I dunno, I didn’t really mind that greasy, crunchy, chewing gum texture.”

“You’re absolutely vile.”

Just as Danny was about to phase through the pile of food he was trapped in, the rear door to the auditorium was flung open. “Is anyone in here?” Lancer called. Danny could see a flashlight beam scanning the room.

“Down here, Mr Lancer!” he called.

“Fenton? Green Eggs and Ham, what happened here? Where’s the ghost?” he demanded as he approached. “Dash, Kwan, get the trash cans from the cafeteria and some other students to help dig Fenton out. Where’s the mayor?”

“Up here,” Vlad chimed in. “Daniel just so happened to have one of his parents’ ghost catching containers with him. He caught her, but the contraption only works on ghosts.”

“Ah Mr Fenton,” Lancer said, leaning over the pile that Danny was trapped under to smile down at him. “You never seem to be able to catch a break. Even when you win, you lose. Truly, you have the worst luck of any student I have ever taught.”

It took about half an hour to dig Danny and Vlad out. By the time they were uncovered, their clothes had been saturated in grease, sauce, and melted milkshake. Danny had never felt so disgusting in his life. His pants and shoes squished as he walked. Every inch of skin felt either sticky or slimy. It was miserable.

“I should make you stay and clean this up,” Lancer told Danny sternly, “BUT, as you saved the mayor and you’re the only ones not in hazmat suits, I suppose the better part of valor would be to send you off to the locker room showers to get cleaned up.”

Danny nodded, grateful for the unexpected reprieve. He met Vlad at the bottom of the stage stairs and together they headed out of the auditorium.

“Wait a minute, Mr Fenton!” Lancer called, “Mr Baxter will accompany you. Unlike you, he knows where the spare toiletries and extra clothes are kept.”

Great. That was just what Danny wanted, to be alone with Vlad and Dash Baxter.

“Out of the way, Fenton,” Dash ordered, elbowing Danny so he could take the lead. Danny rolled his eyes and followed silently.

Dash and Vlad made small talk as they walked through the halls to the locker-room. Apparently, Dash had won a scholarship from one of Vlad’s organizations. Danny didn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, and it gave him time to marvel at Dash being genuinely grateful for once.

“The soap and stuff is in the cabinet next to the sinks,” Dash explained when they arrived at the locker room door. “I’m gunna go grab some spare clothes for you. I’ll be waiting outside the door, just stick a handout when you’re ready for the stuff.”

“Can you grab a couple plastic bags for the clothes we’re already wearing?” Danny asked, picking at what used to be his white shirt.

“You sure? I’d just pitch those, they’re a lost cause.”

“Yeah, but my parents are going to want to study them,” Danny sighed.

“That’s weird,” Dash declared before turning and jogging down the hall.

Danny retrieved the spare shampoo and body wash from the cabinet near the sink, exactly where Dash had said it would be, before dropping it on the tiled floor of the shower area.

“Here we go again,” he muttered, pulling his shirt over his head. The material clung and skidded up his skin, leaving a slimy trail up his back.

“Did you say something, Daniel?” Vlad asked from much closer than Danny expected.

“Nope,” Danny replied, lying easily. He stripped off his shoes, socks, and jeans, ducking around Vlad and depositing the items further down the line of showers where they wouldn’t be rinsed. Danny had been telling Dash the truth when he said his parents would want to study the residue. They weren’t going to find anything, but it would make them happy.

Vlad turned on two shower heads, side by side, and they stood silence waiting for the water to run hot. A sense of déjà vu came over Danny. The row of shower heads, standing next to Vlad in nothing but their boxers, the feeling of being watched…it reminded Danny that he had a question for Vlad.

“Did you ever figure out who Walker made that deal with? Who tried to buy us?”

“I took care of it,” Vlad said vaguely, which didn’t answer Danny’s question at all.

“Kay, thanks, but who was it?” Danny insisted. Vlad remained stubbornly mute, so Danny let his voice take on a little bit of a pleading edge, “I deserve to know who’s trying to kill me, Vlad. What if they try again?”

Vlad sighed, but bowed to Danny’s logic. “The ghost they met with was an intermediary, unimportant in and of herself. She was a liaison for a government agency, the Guys in White. I believe you’re acquainted with them.”

“The US government is working with ghosts? Do they know who we—”

“No, they only know of Plasmius and Phantom. Everything else is speculation. Or it was, until an unfortunate office fire destroyed all their files. You’d think they would have made the conversion to digital, but alas.”

Eventually, steam started to fill the room. Danny stepped under the spray, grateful to finally rinse the disgusting residue off his skin. Grabbing the bodywash off the floor, Danny squirted a generous amount into his hand before handing the bottle to Vlad. He began vigorously rubbing the soap across his chest, shoulders, and arms.

Vlad poured some of the soap out as well but paused before lathering it into his skin. “Rose scented?” he asked, sniffing the gel in his hand.

“It’s a hazing tactic,” Danny explained as he continued to wash. “A badge of shame for guys who forget their ultra-macho-man-gender-performative soap at home.”

“I see that high school rituals remain intricate,” Vlad commented dryly, scrubbing the floral soap across his chest. “Are you going to miss it?”

“Hah!” Danny laughed, short and harsh. “Is that a serious question? Of course not, I can’t wait to be done with this place.”

Vlad nodded a few times, considering Danny’s words carefully. “I admit to be looking forward to your graduation as well, though I suspect for different reasons,” Vlad said.

Danny had no idea how to interpret that statement, so he focused on the task at hand. There was still a spot between his shoulder blades that he couldn’t quite reach. Turning his back to Vlad, he asked vaguely, “Would you mind…?”

Vlad’s broad hand began sweeping up and down his back, scrubbing just hard enough to make Danny groan in delight. “Perhaps not so different after all,” he murmured, stepping closer and using both hands to rub Danny’s shoulders.

A knock on the door made Danny jolt away from Vlad like his touch had electrocuted him. “I’m back!” Dash called through the door, “Just let me know when you want your clothes!”

“Shit, shit, shit,” Danny muttered, running his hands through his still dirty hair. They were in the school locker room! What was he thinking? What was **Vlad** thinking? “We shouldn’t—”

“We can if we’re quiet,” Vlad insisted, stepping into Danny’s personal space once again.

“I didn’t say we can’t, I said we shouldn’t!” Danny hissed. His imagination was running wild; Dash was probably waiting with his ear pressed to the door.

“Haven’t we already, though?” Vlad replied vaguely, gesturing between himself and Danny, “Several times, in fact. How is this any different?”

Danny took a deep breath. Was Vlad actually right, or was he just saying what Danny wanted to hear? Was he genuinely offering to help, or were his motive as lecherous as Danny’s?

Against his better judgement, Danny decided to give Vlad the benefit of the doubt.

“Okay,” he relented, grabbing the shampoo bottle off the floor and stepping closer to Vlad.

“Okay?” Vlad repeated skeptically, “Little badger, if this makes you uncomfortable—”

“Shut up and take your hair down,” Danny interrupted before he lost his nerve. Vlad hesitated a moment longer before complying. Danny guided Vlad under the shower head and used one hand to remove most of the sticky sludge from his long silver hair. After he was satisfied that most of it was gone, Danny doled out a quarter-sized dollop of shampoo into one hand before dropping the bottle.

Vlad was deliciously compliant, moving wherever Danny nudged him and tilting so he could scrub at a better angle. Danny had never had long hair before, so he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. When he was little, Danny’s mom would take him to the salon to get a hair cut with her. The stylist would massage his head with her fingertips and nails while shampooing him; it was one of his favorite sensory memories from childhood. Danny tried his best to replicate it now for Vlad, digging into his scalp and trying to scrape as much of the gunk out as possible.

Given the way Vlad was sighing and leaning back into his hands, Danny must have been doing a good job.

“What’s the hold up?” Dash demanded, yelling through the door again, “Is something wrong?”

“Dash, it’s Nasty Sauce,” Danny called back, slightly peeved at being interrupted.

“Right, my bad.”

“We should probably hurry up before he decides to check on us,” Danny said more quietly, for Vlad’s ears only as the older man rinsed the shampoo out of his hair.

“Continually having an audience is growing troublesome,” Vlad agreed once he finished. Swiping the bottle off the ground, he measured out a small amount of shampoo and went to work on Danny’s hair.

Danny swallowed hard. Everything else Vlad had said or done could be interpreted as strictly friendly, but that was…a different kind of friendly. Danny desperately needed confirmation of where this conversation was heading.

“And what would happen if we didn’t have an audience?” Danny asked cautiously. He was aware that he had just used the cheesiest lines in existence, but that was the most direct way he could ask without—

Danny’s brain fizzled out as Vlad pulled him back against his chest. Danny’s shoulders, back, and ass were completely flush with Vlad’s front. His heart was currently in his throat and trying to climb out his mouth. The friction of wet skin on skin was wholly unexpected but definitely welcome as Danny leaned back into the embrace.

“You’ll have to wait to find out, won’t you little badger?” Vlad breathed into the shell of Danny’s ear. He lingered a moment longer before nipping Danny’s ear then pulling away entirely. Danny swayed slightly at the loss of contact. He took a deep breath then coughed on the shower steam.

That was one way to get his answer.

“Rinse off,” Vlad ordered, and Danny could hear the smirk in his voice. Danny couldn’t even be mad. He was…they were…he hadn’t been imagining it.

Danny’s brain had been successfully short circuited. He moved robotically through the motions of rinsing his hair, turning off the showers, and putting the soaps back where they belonged. He muttered a brief thanks to Dash for the clothes and put them on in short, jerky motions.

“Thank you, Dash,” Vlad said as they exited the locker room. “You’ve been a tremendous help.”

“No problem, Mr Masters!” Dash chirped proudly, puffing out his chest a bit at the praise.

“Goodbye, Daniel. I’ll see you soon, I’m sure,” Vlad promised with a secret little smile that made Danny want to grab the collar of his borrowed gym shirt, drag him closer and—

“Later, Vlad,” he replied casually, storing the thought of hauling Vlad in by his shirt collar for later examination. The older man nodded, then turned and left without further comment.

Danny ran a hand through his hair. He was shaking with giddy energy. This was such a terrible idea, but Danny was just selfish enough to want it anyway. Fuck, he wanted it so badly.

“Hold up, Fenton,” Dash said, grabbing Danny by the shoulder.

“Dash, I’m not in the mood to—”

“So give me the deets, what’s he hiding under the suit?” Dash asked gravely, staring Danny right in the eyes like the answer to this question would define the rest of his life.

“Excuse me?” Danny squawked. He had expected one last senior year ass kicking for old time’s sake, not whatever this was.

“The mayor! He’s gotta be hot,” Dash declared, slightly exasperated. Leaning in closer, keeping a hand on Danny’s shoulder, he continued in a more conspiratorial tone, “We’re all bi here, Fenton. It’s cool, you can tell me.”

Dash had caught him at a desperate moment which was the only explanation for what Danny said next. “Vlad’s a six-foot-tall silver fox with an ass you can bounce a dime off, of course he’s hot. He’s not got a chiseled six pack if that’s what you’re asking, but he’s lean and strong. And the chest hair! It’s the same color as his hair and not to thick, just enough to be sexy. God and his stupid fucking hands, every time I see them, I want to—” Danny finally paused the stream of nonsense coming out of his mouth. He had just bared his every lustful thought about his parents’ best friend to the kid who had spent the last decade bullying him.

“Damn Fenton, who knew you had it in you,” Dash laughed, pulling Danny into a weird one-armed side hug. “Sounds like you need to talk to someone about this. Let’s grab the boys and we can compare notes.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah dude, we’ve all got a major celebrity crush on the mayor. He’s been really good to the team, how could we not? It’s chill though, just dudes being bros.”

Danny was speechless as Dash herded him down the hall. “Um,” he began trying to voice one of the million concerns running through his head but not quite being able to make his mouth work.

“Don’t worry Fenton, we’ve got you. Having the hots for your dad’s best friend is totally normal, but you don’t have to suffer alone. Bros support bros.”

Danny was too shocked to respond, so he let Dash lead him in the general direction of the boys.


End file.
